I'm totally loss for words..i dont know what to say..today is suppose to be a happy day..until when we went for couple competition..i dont know what to say..i had never been a good boyfriend..and until the day i want to change, i want to give her a better life, i want to give her real happiness, its all too late..i got no brain for art, for creativity, for ideas, for design..its really hard for me to think of even a stupid surprise..hais..all i know is just do wad she wan..listen to her..tag heart..accompany her..but to her all these are not enough..hais..i dont know what to do..this morning i ran to buy hotcakes for her..because i know she likes to eat..though her last msg sounds angry and unhappy..but when i reach her house with the hotcakes, she smiled..i finally did something for her..and after breakfast she went to sleep while i tag..and there was this loud thunder when i quickly went to hug her..but all these seems to be a dream..the happiness that we had..the sorrow that we share..its all gone..june 12..sigh..its also the day when my grandma pass away..sigh..still remembering the day when i first cpl with her in audi..months passed..we're together out of no reason..the love just came like this..no one can explain..still remember the first gift i gave her..a small bear..which could say "i love you"..though its just a small gift..but on that moment i could see her happiness..month by month..i gave her soft toys, flower, necklace..and every moment when she receive the gift, i could feel love..i could feel happiness..still remember on my 16th birthday..it can be said the most unforgetable birthday i ever had..though we had exam on that day, but she bought a mango cake for me..we celebrate it at her house..candles..wish..the hugs..and not forgetting how she want me to finish the whole cake..of course i cant..then we went in the room for a naughty session..and went we came out..the cake melted..like sponge..and we threw it away..and on her birthday..we booked a chalet of 3 days 2 nights..though i spent all my money on it, but i dont mind..i want her to be happy..but just before the clock turns 12..we were having some food..i said something that made her angry..cos i was worrying that we wont have enough money for the next 2 days..sigh..then she angrily went back to the room..and when the clock hits 12, she's crying..i felt so depressed..i couldnt do anything..but luckily soon later we got better..on the next day we had to bring things from her grandma house..have to buy things, prepare charcoal, ice..etc..with the help of wn and ns..then we had out bbq session when ppl arrive..and when we're wishing her happy birthday..i kissed her on the cheeks..at that moment..is was so..i dont know how to describe but its so wonderful..then we ran around spraying each other..then i got jealous cos she's playing with other guys and ignoring me..and so she got angry with me again..so we take turns to bathe..and came out to play cards..sigh..there's so many happy days that we had together..so many memories..sigh..i love her..i really do..i want to take care of her for the whole lifetime..i hope one day we could still get back together..