Today, work as usual..woke up at 8.50..my drowsy eyes again since i didnt get much slp these days..well i went out and sms'ed her..during work i tried to hold my emotions back..but i couldnt help anymore after my break..i was siting outside ngee ann city..staring up into the skys, admiring how people can be so blissful..went back to work, some ppl say i look like i want to kill people..
after work, went back home and quickly went out, wanting to look for something for her..i walked around very very long..in the end i choosed a toy, helium balloon and flower with rocher..then i planned to wait for her at the busstop and give her a surprise.. i was there around 9.45 and waiting for almost 2 hrs till she finally came.. i tried to make her happy, but i failed again..we ended up quarrelling very fiercing and i couldnt bear anymore but to voice out how i feel..
i know things is not going to turn out great..i had this feeling, that i gonna be alone again tonight with those presents unaccepted..we finally managed to talked out nicely, about how each other feel, about how she's feeling all the while im being with her, and all of a sudden, i felt this guilt in myself.. just because of my ignorant, i failed to make her happy, and even made her felt so deeply hurt..
i know she had been trying to control her temper, but sometimes the words are just too harsh for me to accept..whenever i hear those words from her..i just felt so lost, i dont know what to do..and all i would do is sighing and talking to myself out there..i would often stay out till midnight whenever im feeling like this before i go home..
She let go of the balloon i gave her as she said there's no space to put in her home. im feeling upset but at the same time, maybe its a way to tell the gods that i love you. in the end she brought the rest of the presents back home..i went back but couldnt find the balloon anymore..
Her dislikes : Me being stupid Me talking back Me crying Me asking her this and that Me not decisive Me not remembering her words Me not knowing that she really needs me Me not holding her back when she wants to leave Me tickling her Me awhile jiu not happy Me poking her nose =x Me piak her etc...etc..
Her HATE: Me not understanding her and talking back Me having close distance with other girls
Her likes : Me fetching her Me accompanying her whenever i can Me sweet talkingMe giving her surprise Me being close to her Me able to sacrifice for her Me taking care of her Me sniffing her from the neck Me to hold her on the waist Me alone with her etc..etc..
Her most loved: 我和她发生关系cos that's the thing that is totally hers..
overall today was a meaningful day as i learned alot..